From my prayer journal...

not my words...but words of blessings
God takes nothing from a Christian without making multiplied restoration in a new and glorious form...

Who is Jesus?

How can there be such confusion over that simple question? And what is a Christian?
Before I started blogging, I would have said the answers to those questions are pretty basic. Now I just don't know...
So will any one who stops by, please try to explain the answers to those three questions.
1. Why pray?
2. Who is Jesus?
3. What is a Christian?
bonus question: am i just kidding?

Why Pray?

why pray?
i'm not kidding, will someone out there tell me...why pray?
i am praying for the impossible. i know it is impossible. i am praying sincerely, and urgently, and scriptually, but i know it is impossible. the answer will be "i love you my child...but" the answer will be "with God, nothing is impossible...but" i hate buts.
i know this sounds like i am not praying with faith, but i have prayed with faith before, and still the answer is not "yes and amen" but rather "sorry, NO"
ok, so i went to bed depressed and i woke up depressed, and i will go to work and do my teacher thing, and that's good, and at the end of this day i will get to hug my grandchildren...
there is this ray of hope at the end of this dark tunnel, but it is too good to believe in, we Americans say, if it is too good to be true, it probably isn't...and the main thing, the BIG thing, the painful thing...for that thing there is no hope, except that God can and will do the impossible...I wish this was as simple as a question of life and death...facing death wouldn't be as bad as this...oh how i wish i could just crawl up on my daddy's lap (abba, father) and cry.

I'm back and I'm Emergent...

Art and I spent 3 days in Colorado Springs, at the Mountain Plains Region Conference of the Open Bible Standard Churches. The worship was dynamic. The fellowship was encouraging. But, oh no! The superintendant refered to us as an "emerging" denomination. He even used the term "postmodern." He qualified that by saying, "don't be a label, just be a church" and later, "don't play church, do church". One of the things we really like about Open Bible Standard Churches, is that, although they are Charasmatic, they keep the Bible as the center and guide of their faith. When they preach the Good News of Jesus it is not a watered down, seeker friendly Jesus they present. When they call a sinner to repentance, they call sin, sin and Salvation through the blood of Jesus. So now, I am confused. I need to revisit the "Slice of Laodicea" and reread Chris P's postings on the emergent "heresy" and revisit some of the pro-emergence sites as well. There is so much negitive stuff out there. Anti-catholisim, Anti-evangelical, Anti-emergence. Anti, Anti, Anti...I do not want to be sucked into false doctrine, I do not want to be deceived by heresy, but I refuse to side with those out there who demonize anything they don't agree with. There are a lot of experts out there. Self proclaimed. And as much as they are opposed to the concept of an infallible pope, they seem to hold Luther or King James who "authorized" their Bibles, or even themselves as infallible.
"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will given him..."James 1:5 Yes and Amen!

Wednesday

ok...i am still in a blue funk but i just finished surfing around cyberspace, and visited a few blogs written by teachers...my third passion First comes the LORD, then my family, then teaching! And I was "reminded" of a nice experience I had a few weeks ago, that might be worth sharing with any of my new teacher friends that might stop by. I was in a Passion Play during holy week. 36 different churches get together to put on a dramatic presentation of the last week of the life of Jesus, we do it for 7 nights in the Farmington, New Mexico civic center (You might like to check out Passion Play Ministries International...)
anyway, after one of the performances a very handsome young man came up to me with this big grin on his face. I knew the smile and the name right away, since he was one of my favorite students, 3 years ago. About a foot taller than he was in fifth grade though. I had been his Sped teacher in 4th and 5th grade. He was language impaired and specifically disabled in the area of reading, but he was a enthusiastic student and a strong audial learner. He's Native American, and comes from a very traditional home. I went to bat for him when he transitioned to middle school, insisting he be put in general ed Math, Science, and Social Studies, with accommadations that included text books on tape.
So when he came up to me, I was happy to see him, to see that he remembered me, and overjoyed to find out that he was getting ready to move up to highschool with no special education, and has been leading an early morning Bible study in his middle school, one of the toughest in town. It is worth the fight, and the prayers...oh the joy of teaching!

Seek and You Shall Find

ok, so this is the first thing...but when i am done today it will look like the third thing right?
anyway...
i lost some very important papers, my filing system is pitiful. I've been asking the LORD to help, reminding Him of Matthew 7:7 and He reminded me of something that happened way back when, when my boys were 5 and 6 years old, and my husband and I were full time students, living in Married Student Housing. Finances were a real pain, and we didn't have a car. I borrowed a friend's to go into town one afternoon and got a parking ticket. Bummer. This was NY and the fine was $50.00. Might as well have been $500. I had 30 days to pay the thing, so I tucked it away trying to figure out where that money was going to come from. 28 days later I had the money on hand, but couldn't find the ticket. I was frantic. It wouldn't be me, but the owner of the car, who would get in trouble if the ticket wasn't paid. And it was going to be a real hassel to find out how to pay the fine without the ticket. So I hunted and I prayed...PLEEEZE Lord, You said"seek and you shall find", You said "whatsoever you ask for..." I wasn't asking for a million dollars. I just wanted to find the stupid ticket. i was really frustrated, a kind of frustration only the mother of 2 small boys can really understand. And like a spoiled child myself, I threw a spiritual temper tantrum. How could I believe in my heavenly father and in the power of prayer if he refused to answer such a simple prayer. I was at the end of my rope. I was getting ready to climb into the dumpster to see if the ticket was in the trash bag i had tossed the night before, when my friend Diane called. She could tell by my voice, i was rather upset. But when I told her why she just started to laugh. And then she confessed...she had noticed the ticket the week before, when she came over for coffee...and she had taken it...and paid the fine.
I knew then, and remember now, that there was a deep spiritual truth to be learned by that experience. And that's that...

No One Listens

So why do I do this anyway. Why do I open this foolish page and hope for a hit...someone listened, some one cared. So last night after service, there were three of us, talking. Only no one listened to me. I'm this old grandma type I guess. I can't seem to get a word in edgewise (what does that expression mean? I teach english, I should know). I've been keeping prayer journals for over 25 years. Even I hate to re-read the old ones. What is the use of writing all those words? What is the use of writing all these words? My great grandmother kept diarys for 70 years. My mother almost threw them away, but I stopped her. Some of them were written in pencil are are hard to read. But I'm keeping them anyway. My birth is recorded in the 1952 one. The painful death of her sister is recorded as is the death of her lover, and how his wife called her, and asked her to come to his death bed...that's the stuff mini series are made of. Her son, my great uncle, he must be about 80, found out I had them and asked me to send them to him. I guess they really blessed him, but he sent them back, along with a bunch of pictures of people I never knew. He appointed me keeper of the past, but who cares? So, why do I do this. I think I'll take a break. I'll stick to my pen and prayer journal for a while. This blogging has become as additive as spider solitare. But I won't quit altogether, because when someone does listen, when someone does make a comment, it makes this old grandma feel like my voice can be heard. And someone does listen.

Death and Dying

I have read some comments out here in the world of blogs, that question why such a big deal was made over Terri S. but not about the war, or death penalty, or even the gross number of people who die in automobile crashes. Now the Pope is dead, and surely his death will cause a ripple of comments in this strange new world of rants and raves and opinions. Here is my take on the subject of death and dying. I don't see what the big deal is. Death is a fact of life. Life, on the other hand, some one out there asked the question "what is life?" thats almost as deep a question as "What is truth?"
For a Christian, who believes that the passion, death, and resurrection of our LORD Jesus conquered death once and for all, death should not be such a terrible thing. Jesus grieved at the death of Lazarus, not because death was a bad thing, but because it made his friends Mary and Martha so sad. I watched a baby die once. It took about 9 months for the disease to take him and he fought a brave fight. We prayed and prayed for a healing. Our Father knew best. Just a day before he "passed away" I was praying with his mom, and I asked "what would be the worse thing that could happen to Nicki" and she looked at me with tear stained eyes, and said, "that he would die' and I said "no, that would be the worse thing that could happen to you. The worse thing that could happen to Nicki would be for God to heal his body completely and miraculously, which of course wouldn't be bad...so at this point, nothing bad can happend to him."The next day she whisphered quietly into his little ear, "that's ok Nicki, let Jesus take you home" and the little guy took one more breath and went to the arms of his LORD.
Life is a precious gift, a great adventure, and life is a scared gift from God. But it is but the first stage of an eteranl exisitance which the God of creation has planned for his children. Paul, the first missionary, the first apostle to the gentiles wrote in Philippians 1:21-23 for to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.If I am to live in the flesh that means fruitful labor for me,yet which i would choose i can not tell.I am hard pressed between the two,my desire is to depart and to be with Christ for that is far better, but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for...the church If you are not a Christian the Bible has a word for you too. Eat, Drink, and be Merry, for tomorrow you die. Solomom wrote that.
So, in a word, LIVE...and let live. Value life as a sacred gift...but don't fear death.
Something, someday will kill you. Perhaps a sniper's bullet in a worship service somewhere. Perhaps on a distant battle field, hopefully someone you love won't starve you to death, but live.
Terri's death was a tragedy because it became a fight for life vs the right to "kill" someone you love. She clung to life for nearly 2 weeks. Did anyone learn anything from it. The popes death is an ultimate victory for those of us who know where he is now! His life was a testamony to righeousness and his death is but a home coming for him. I pray for mercy on the souls of the innocent victims. I pray for safety for those living through hard times, and for traveling mercies for those going on long trips. And I will live as long as the Lord allows me to live, but like Paul, my desire is to depart and to be with Christ...that will be the greatest adventure of my life...