Can't Sleep

It is nearly 2:00am and I can't sleep.
This has been a busy week. On the most part, a good week. A week of ministry, worship and prayer. We helped raise funds for Passion Play Ministries International (PPMI), the dance team I am on ministered at a woman's conference, we spent all day Saturday at Window Rock, the Navajo Nation's capitol, where we joined with our brothers and sisters and friends in a 8 hour prayer service, the Navajo Nation's Day of Prayer. We enjoyed a beautiful drive to and from, Shiprock to Window Rock. Friday I even found time to bake cupcakes with my grandchildren for the Father's Day Celebration at church. Only the grandchildren won't be at church for the celebration. Their mother has decided to punish their father for having a new "girlfriend" by not letting him take them to church. It's a long story. A sad story. My son and I were on the phone for an hour as he vented. He feels helpless, I feel helpless...
He ended the call by asking me to pray for him. I'm trying. But it's hard.
Love your enemies says our LORD. But it is hard. I rather pray like the psalms that call curses down on the enemy. I cry out to the LORD to free my grandchildren from captivity. Those people are not believers. They are... No, never mind...no details, no bad mouthing...How do I pray through this?
We are broke, with no income coming until September 1. It will be a long hot summer. My son is a pizza delivery boy. He doesn't have enough money for a lawyer. My other son being in prison complicates matters. I know I need to pray. It's all I can do. But how? Peace through this storm. Mercy to triumph over justice. Protection for my grandchildren as their parents and grandparents duke it out? Not my husband and me...we are just on the side lines...praying
But my son, and his ex wife, and her parents who technically have custody of Elijah and Amadaya. This could be the end of my even being able to see the kids. And they are using church and father's day to punish my son. But how am I supposed to pray about this????
Why pray???? Either this whole thing is part of God's great plan...and I must resign myself to His will and suffer through it. Or the free will of the non believers in this story will win out because God will not interfere with anyones free will. God knows what is best, and He will do what is best, whether I pray or not...this is too hard. this is too personal.
This was a good week, and it came to a crashing, slamming halt with the phone call from my son at midnight. I was about Kingdom business all week.
See what I wrote on Psalm 37?
I do not feel like the Bride of Christ, or a beloved child of my heavenly father.
I feel condemned, guilt ridden, and hopeless.
I want to ask, seek, knock, and be answered. I want signs and wonders and miracles and yes and amen.
enough of this whining. for some reason it seems easier these days to type my thoughts then to write them out in my prayer journal. and there are only about 8 pages left in my current journal anyway. But I think that is where I will spend the rest of this night/morning. I'll go sit on my deck, wrapped in a blanket, writing in my journal. I'll pray. I'll cry please daddy please! I'll listen for the first chirps of the morning bird song.
And maybe, on Monday or Tuesday I'll just delete this