Spring

I find my self in a state of spiritual destitution.
It's lent...I've given up some of my favorite, but ungodly TV shows...and I'm involved with a BethMoore Bible study...but there are aspects of my life that weighing me down...a heaviness in my heart, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  There are moments of joy...bright spots...my grandkids, my job, my comfy couch, holding my hubby's hand. I went to a News Boy's concert a few weeks ago, my friend Pat had an extra ticket. It was loud, and the crowd was focused on the lights and music and in the darkness around me, I was in a bubble - anonymous - and i took advantage of the moment to shout at the LORD...the question He never answers...I know, He certainly doesn't owe me an answer. But I remembered my boys, years and years ago, at the first NewsBoys concert at Darian Lake at Kingdom Bound. My sweet little godly boys...and how I cried for them. Our Father, in heaven...how could You? How could this be Your will. Didn't we try? Why?
God has let me down...my faith is faltering...I am 60 years old...my pay has been garnished, we live check to check, we don't go to church regularly, every ministry attempt has been uprooted before it has had a chance to bloom...my adult sons are struggling...i fear for the spiritual well being of my two oldest grand children.
Spring Break - and i feel the need to write. Blogging, Face booking, I'm writing a play for the school's drama club. We were supposed to be going to Albuquerque. Art was going to be working on the movie set (if you don't know, don't ask) and I was going to stay in a comfy hotel room and write, write, write...but the shoot dates have been pushed back and we don't have enough money to travel anyway. 9:13pm Saturday Night...and I've said enough already...at least for tonight.
See my Tziporah? See her and her big brother? See my little Ethan.. Hear me Sigh!