Sleepless in...Shiprock

Sunday Night, quiet...too quiet
It's really too early to be in bed, only now that Pastor Art has a "day job" we've been hitting the sack much earlier. Just a sign of old age I guess, and I am feeling very VERY old.
I can't get to sleep tonight, my brain is spinning and all my thoughts are distressing.
I am remembering all my foolish mistakes, broken dreams, loves lost, irresponibility, debts I owe, those sins...known and unknown - what I've done and what I've failed to do...that's the way it's said Sundays in Church.
I am feeling overwhelmed with regrets.
I think I know what the LORD would have me do, I even made a list while we were in South Dakota. But I am feeling so discouraged.
"Be strong and courageous!" that was the LORD's message to Joshua. "Be strong and very courageous." Yet my thoughts condemn me, reason tells me - don't bother. And the accuser says, there she goes, having another pity party. There are a lot of people out there with worse problems...I try to pray, and again the thought - what's the use?
Friday, as we drove into town, there was this black cloud hanging over Shiprock. Thursday there was a serious fire out here. This afternoon there was this awful dog fight near our house. Three against one, growling and snarling until the grandma next door started throwing rocks.
It just feels heavy, dark and heavy. I don't like the dark.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Good Night