Psalm 142

A lament...


I will write to vent, I will write with tears in my eyes…
Today, out here (in here) somewhere I read these words, let me cut and paste them if I can: The answer is God-centeredness. Meekness is the absolute acceptance of God’s care and managing of our lives. Our task in life changes. We are responsible for doing His will of love in every situation, and He is responsible for the outcomes. We are no longer in management. We are meek.Every human relationship has power dynamics and politics. The meek do not manage power or play the games of politics and by so doing it is the meek that will inherit the earth for only the meek are truly free, trusting in God for outcomes, to live a moral life based not on power and results but on principles and love.
What does that say? What does it say for students who have been entrusted to my care and just don’t care at all about their education or their futures. They are so used to failure and are so surrounded - emerged in hopelessness, that there just doesn’t seem to be any hope.
But that isn’t why I am crying.
It should be.
The LORD told me back in January that I needn't worry about my sons or my grandson…that He was holding them safe and secure…how did He put it?
“don’t worry about them, they are in my hands…I am taking care of them. I will work it all out. Things might have to be shaken up a bit, but don’t worry when things start to shake. I’m working it out…you need to focus on the students I entrust you with, they are your ministry.” That’s how I wrote it down in my prayer journal.
Meekness is the absolute acceptance of God’s care and managing of our lives? Trusting God for the outcomes? Oh dear God, I really don’t think you are doing a very good job! Somewhere else today I read a “study” of Psalm 142 - to be prayed when life sucks…the “priest” said something like that.
So here is Maryellen’s version of Psalm 142 - because right now I really feel like life sucks!
I cry aloud with my voice to the LORD! I beg - plead - alright, I’ll use supplicate. Here my voice Oh LORD!
I pour out my complaint before Him, I declare my troubles - my eldest son will be getting out of prison soon, it’s been three long years since this ordeal began - and it will never, ever end until the KINGDOM comes…He should have been out two weeks ago. Paper work, red tape, no one will be an advocate for sinners as vile as he is, yet YOU valued him enough to die on the Cross for him, and he does love YOU. Romans 8:28? How can any of this work out for the good? And my younger son, he is homeless, sleeping on a friends couch. His car needs expensive repairs. And his ex-wife is refusing him the right to take his son anywhere because his brother is getting out of jail. And his son, my dear little Elijah - is sick, and he is crying for his daddy, and that woman, that adulteress says his daddy can’t spend the weekends with him unless - until the evil uncle leaves town. Menee and Papa Art can’t see him either.
How can anyone get a new apartment, car, and hire a lawyer on wages earned at a pizza joint…no - the church can not help.
back to the Psalm.
My spirit is overwhelmed within me. God knows the path I am walking. He knows the traps that have been set for me and my family. God knows. This is part of His plan? To teach me meekness? I feel as if there is no escape.
And there is no one in this life who can help. God is my only refuge. Oh Lord, bring my soul out of prison, literally, bring my son out of prison. And rescue my other son and grandson while you are at it. Will He deal bountifully with me? Am I as forsaken as I feel?
These are such little problems in the vast scheme of things. People are dying - children are dying. The earth is quaking and storms are raging. I need to focus. I need to trust and obey. But I am so tired. Feeling so old and tired. I need to let God manage things and trust Him for the outcome...but it is so hard.