What Do You Mean You Don't Know My Name?
I am Maryellen. Dear to my husband, Menee to my grandchildren, Mrs. Brokop to my students. I like to write the name: Maryellenbernadetteiachettageniipuffbrokop in my prayer journals. That about covers it. Anyone out there looking for a skinny, longhaired, hippy type named Puff? That was me from about 1972 to 1979. I used to be Puff. And Puff was a dreamer, a seeker, a wanderer. I had been Mary Ellen Bernadette, predestined according to my dear ol' mother to be a nun. I graduated from my all girl catholic highschool with an award for excellence in theology. I won't discuss the ways and means, the causes and curses that led me into the downhill spiral that very nearly killed me. But all the while, I was on a quest. I wanted, I needed to find enlightenment. That's what my guru, my sensai, called it. Enlightenment. I tried it all, from antheisim to zen. I did Katas and Mantras and played with tarot cards and the I Ching. I angered a group of wiccans who wanted me to join their coven, by declaring that they were just as hypocritical as any Christians I had ever met. All the while I had one best friend (dearest bobbie), a grandmother and my aunt the nun who prayed fervently for me. And one night, in August 1979, while I was deep in meditation, the LORD answered their prayers. I stopped chanting for a moment and just took a deep breath. I remember saying (praying) that I really wanted to know the truth, I really wanted to commune with whatever, who ever was out there...and I lamented "But I don't even know your name". Thats when I heard it. A still quiet but audible voice say to me,"What do you mean you don't know my name...I'm Jesus, the same Jesus you learned to pray to as a little girl, and I've been waiting all this time for you to come back to me." That did it. I blew out my candle, I unburied my Bible, and began my walk as a "Christian". I did not go back to the Roman Catholic church, I did go back to Jesus. A lot of stuff followed. Cool stuff, hard stuff, church stuff. Too much to share here and now.
Yeah, incase you're concerned, I did actually say "the sinner's prayer" a few weeks later. I've been water baptized and sometimes I even speak in tongues. I've experienced miracles and I've also, unfortuately, experienced betrayal and back biting by some supposed sincere Chrisitans. But the main thing is that I have a personal and abiding relationship with Jesus, second person of the blessed trinity, born - crucified - ressurected and coming again. And inspite of the troubles (and these days they seem overwhelming) I still say, to God be the Glory, Yes and Amen!
9 comments:
Hi MaryEllen:
Just a short note to tell you that I was "thrown off" Ingrid's blog. Evidently when you speak your mind and it's not in line with her thoughts, you aren't allowed to comment anymore. The comments have definitely decreased. She also threw off some other "emergent". You see, she must be bothered by what we say or she would let us say it. Maybe she can't sleep at night or something.
bridget, i was wondering where you were. flip, i look forward to reading more of yours too. blog on!
Mary Ellen: I'm curious - is your mother and your aunt (the nun) still alive and how did they feel or what did they say when you left the Catholic Church?
Bridget,
My mother became very bitter when her two year old grandson died and has never "forgiven" God. She is still living, quite a distance from me, with my brother who is a back slidden JW. The last theological talk we had was about the Trinity, which she said she never believed in, and tried to claim that she had never even heard about such a concept. My dear Aunt (actually my great aunt, was living at the St. Joseph's Mother House in Rochester NY the last I heard. She's in her 80s, and is very hard of hearing and rather feeble. I don't know if I'd even be contacted should she pass on to glory. When I married my current husband, Pastor Art, she gave him the thrid degree about his faith, and decided that he was a believer.
she did ask why I had fallen away from the faith, and said she'd be praying for me...that was nearly 20 years ago.
Mary Ellen: That's very interesting since my son is in the seminary in Rochester New York and I'm going to visit him on June 6. Maybe I can find out where this St. Joseph's Mother House is and look into it. I'm not promising anything because I don't have much time. We are driving (14 hours) and we're only going to be able to stay in Rochester for two days. The other two will be spent driving. Do you know what her religious name is? That would help.
I'm really sorry about your mother but what surprises me is that she sent you to a Catholic high school. When we went to high school it wasn't as expensive as today (some are $7,000 per year around here!!) but it did require some sacrifice and if your mother never believed even in the Trinity, it's amazing to me that she even cared enough to send you to a Catholic high. At least your brother has "back slidden" from the JW. They aren't even Christian. Don't you think that that's some good news? Or am I all wet!
My aunt's name is/was Sister Teresa Clare. My mother and father got a civil annulment when I was four. My father's parents raised me from that point on and I worked my way thru St. Agnes in the cafeteria. When I was enrolled in the parish elementary school my grandmother was warned that I would find out that my parents were "damned" because of their breakup and that they had been "excommunicated". My mom and two of my siblings from mom's second marriage live in Rochester. So does my best friend from St. Agnes, Bobbie, but she isn't Catholic anymore either.
also, about my brother...he was never "baptised" into the JW faith because he could never quit smoking. Only time I ever prayed that someone couldn't break that nasty habbit.
Just a disclaimer to Bridget:
If you check Ingrid's blog you will find several who post dissenting comments to her positions and they are not "kicked off" She merely expressed that she was not going to allow her blog to become someone else's soap box.
Since it is very easy to create a blog for yourself, why don't you do that? I am not being a smartaleck. I feel that it is a reasonable suggestion. Don't make the mistake that many make, by assuming that since they were "persecuted", that they must be right. Then you would be guilty of the same "error" that you are accusing her of.
An interesting story, now that I have finally been allowed to access it. I had a similar experience, but it obviously went the other direction. Given the name of the post, I must admit I was expecting it to be referencing something else, since there was a Pagan testimonial from some years back (wiccan I believe) that either that was the title, or at the very least was the prominent theme therein. I've got a copy around here somewhere and will try to find it if you'd like. (I can't imagine why you would.)
Anyway, thanks again for pointing this post out to me. I am always interested to know about other people's journeys, no matter where they lead.
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