Time? Its been a long Time...

Psalm 23:5 “You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.”
I have an enemy. For at least 30 years this person has been a thorn in my side. The name and face that came to mind every time I heard a sermon on forgiveness. I thought I had conquered those feelings of resentment. Other problems were more prominent in my life. Dark days of new crisis consumed my mood, and the enemy of which I speak had faded into my past.
But just now, I heard the name again. And I heard some news that aroused the same old feelings of anger and resentment.
And I cry out to the LORD of my broken dreams. The Author of my tired old life. “It’s just not fair!”
I know.
No one ever said life would be fair.
And who am I to question God?
We were warned 18 years ago. A word of prophecy. We would be made to go through several refiners fires.
Psalm 12:6 And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times.
Seven times?
The thing is, I know that I am far from being a perfect or righteous person. I know that I am flawed. I’ve tried to walk the path that the LORD set before me. I tried to seek first the Kingdom. I believe in Jesus and I love the LORD. But life really sucks. I mean, my son’s are in crisis – I am physically and emotionally a wreck, all my visions, hopes, dreams are lying at pieces at my tired old feet. Sounds like a song we used to sing…
All of my ambitions…all my hopes and dreams, I surrender to Jesus.
Ok – Fine then.
But why does my enemy, that person from my past, who stabbed me in the back, lied about me, stole my inheritance, wounded members of my family, killed my cat, why does that person have what I want so badly. Not riches, not stuff, but something for which I have been praying and sacrificing for many years.
Keep your eyes on the goal.
So, I’ve been told.
Trust in the LORD with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3)
To that I have tried to be faithful.
Yet my hope is all but gone. What I thought I was working for, I know now I will never have. But that person. That person who was so deceptive, who never sought my forgiveness, who is my enemy, that person has it…
So I will bask in the cool light of the full moon as I await my ride home.
At home I will sit in the warm glow of my Christmas Tree – so many good memories there.
Perhaps my husband will soothe my spirit with his flute or guitar.
I am conflicted, I am distressed, I am tired and old.
I will pray for the strength to face another day
He will restore my soul…