A Sheltered Life

I am the product of what is now called a dysfuntional home. In the place and time that I was a child, very few children did NOT live with both parents. I lived with my paternal grandparents and was raised and educated in the Catholic tradition although my grandfather was a self proclaimed "heathen" and only went to church for weddings (of which there were very few) and funerals (of which there were many).
I was always very spiritually minded, and I always felt closest to God when I was outside although Churches reminded me of God's sovereignty and mystery. I loved reading Bible stories and was thrilled when in eighth grade I was given my first Bible. I loved talking about heaven and hell and the lives of the saints. I belonged to the "Folk Group" at our local Church and loved to worship in the "Folk Mass" setting. I graduated from my all girl catholic high school with an award for excellence in Theology.
Fast forward 10 years. I'm not going to talk about the down ward spiral, the sins and the darkness, or the multi- faceted quest I embarked upon to find enlightenment.
Now, 10 years later - 27 years ago - I was "born again", and looking for a church. Couldn't go Catholic - my husband hated catholics. That has changed by the way. Didn't want to go main line - we really didn't trust people much, and there were a lot of people in those churches. Couldn't we just read our Bibles, listen to Chuck Swindol and Chuck Smith on the radio, sing along with Keith Green and Don Francisco, and give our tithes to the Salvation Army?
We tried a nondenominational church recommended by a friend who was thrilled that I had found the Light. It was an evening service and the pastor's son was preaching. All I remember about the sermon was that he made the statement that you could tell by the name of the church (and he proceded to name made up churches like St. So and So, Holy Family this, and United that and First that) that the pastor inside was a "liberal, unsaved heretic". Boy, did I have a knee jerk reaction to that. How could anyone, in Love with Jesus, and responsible for the Spritiual growth and welfare of a flock, make such a condemning statement from the pulpit?
My dad was going to a United Methodist church. That church had joined with 5 other main line churches in town to have a lenten supper outreach. Pot Lucks followed by some little program.
A film, a youth group's skit, a choral presentation - you get the picture. We were pretty poor back then, and for a free meal, we'd give it a try. We ended up staying at Dad's UM church. Grace.
And it was there we lived the Sheltered Life I was thinking about this morning.
You know how some people never really get over their "first love"? Well, it's kind of that way with me and Grace Church. I know no Church is perfect. But it was certainly the perfect Church for me and my family. It was a huge, old Church with a pipe organ and balcony, working stage, industrial kitchen, lots and lots of class rooms, library, spooky bell tower (but no bell). But ofcourse none of that matters. It was the people. An old time preacher - who after 20+ years in the ministry had recently gone through a "born again" experience at a Good News Conference.
He couldn't really preach all that well, but as a pastor to his flock he couldn't be beat. His gentle love and sincere faith was like a healing breath of fresh air. And there were Grace and Ed, who had just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary by sailing down the Nile River. They were Christian Charity in human form. To borrow a phrase from a Bob Dylan song, in our poverty, they taught us to give. And David and Ruth - he was a giant of a man, who had, as a college student been stricken with polio and confined to an iron lung. That was usually a life sentence, but through the power of prayer he had been healed enough to get around on canes. He was frail, but when he was given the opportunity to preach, his words had such strength and life...We sat under his tutalige and learned volumns about prayer...even about praying in tongues - you usually don't get that in a UM church. It was an intergenerational church, lots of children the same age as ours, lots of grandmas and grandpas to go around. Old saints and converted hippies. Single moms, people of all races, disabilities, economic status. We made life long friends there...carol, chris, al, diane, sis, ruth...It was a church family. Its where our kids grew up. Our life revolved around the church. We fed on the word, we learned to teach, to serve, to reach out, to forgive. It was in that place that Art heard the call to ministry, and encouraged by the pastor and the elders of the Church, he answered that call. But it was at that time that the denomination was becoming more and more liberal. The higher ups kept sending our pastor young seminarians with liberal ideas as assistants. None of them stayed very long. But the pastor and my husband's mentor warned him that he may have to make some compromises to continue in the ordination process...Could he say what the ordination board wanted to hear without really meaning it? Could he continue on the educational path they wanted him to follow, although the teachings would be unbiblical? No. Everyone involved understood. The Bible was the thing. The Truth was the Truth. No compromise there. The pastor was moved on, semi-retirement. After 6 months as Assistant to the Pastor of another UM church in the area, we moved on too.
Before I left that Church I had an idealistic view of Christians. For the 10 years there, I lived a sheltered life of fellowship and trust and charity and acceptance. There were a few problems. But like one remembering her first love...the flaws don't seem to have mattered that much. Conflicts were handled with grace. I didn't realize that there were pastors out there that manipulated truth, misused their authority, and demonized anyone who didn't agree with their take on Christianity. I didn't realize that there were churches out there that seemed to hate the sinner as much as the sin. I didn't expect lies, unforgiveness, petty arguements. I was shocked to find doctrines within churches that divided the body. I was shocked to see how frequently the word Heresy was used. How severly Christians judge other Christians. It is no wonder that some new believers are turned off and wander away.
It is no wonder that some people leave wounded, never to step inside a church again.
Now, before I really get blasted, let me make some qualifying statements.
The last four churches I have been part of, although not perfect, since there are no such things as perfect churches, and if there was a perfect church as soon as we started going there, the perfection would be lost....those last four churches have been very good, solid, Bible believing churches, with sound teaching, godly leadership, and a heart for the LORD. Dedicated as it were to Kingdom Business. That includes the Church we are currently attending, and the Church that my dear Pastor Art pastored 3 years ago. And for seven years we have been part of a united ministry, The Passion Play of the Four Corners. Where, for 12 weeks, for the sake of the message of the Cross, people from many different denominations pray together, worship together, and work together. No one cares if you speak in tongues at your church, or if you have icons in your church, or if you have guitars, drums, or no instruments at all. Do you worship on Friday, Saturday, Sunday??? Who cares? The message is Jesus.
And we are blessed to be part of Open Bible Standard Churches, a little denomination dedicated to the Jesus of the Bible. Unity, Partnership, and Acceptance of Differences in style and methods, The Message is Jesus.
Are any of these things perfect? No, but Jesus is. Do Christians sometimes hurt other Christians? Sure. Is forgiveness always the rule, and charity? Well, it doesn't always seem that way, but it should be. Are mature Christians responsible for the feeding and leading of younger Christians? Always. Are Christians brothers and sisters expected to reach out and help each other in times of need? Always. Do mature Christians sometimes fall, or fail, and need gentle but firm help being restored, absolutely. Is more expected of Teachers and Prophets, yes.
If you need to know where it says that in the Word, ask me.
Am I perfect? Oh so far from it. But I will admit that I think I'm sort of a nice person, and I get really surprised when people don't like me. As I say in my profile, I am first and far most a Christian. That is more or less the defining factor in my life, and when I do or say something that would make people doubt that about me, I really do some serious soul searching. I can look back and see a lot of mistakes I've made. Bad choices and silly errors of judgement and careless statements. I really should know better. I would never consciously, delibertly do harm to another. Niether would my beloved Pastor Art. Not too long ago, it was brought to our attention that we were the cause of some problems, confusion, at the Church we were attending. We had offended some it seems, although we were not told exactly who or how. Our personal lives were in turmoil, which was not causing the problems I don't think, we were keeping that personal, but it did affect our ability to deal with the situation at Church. We didn't want to make a big deal out of it. We didn't want to continue to hurt the ministry of the Church we saw as important, we were not in leadership, except that I did Childrens Church a couple time a month. And this situation made me question my ablility to teach there. We decided it was best to quietly leave.
If this situation is anyone's fault, I will put the blame on myself (is menopause a valid excuse?)
I started blogging because of one our friends at this church. He made it sound interesting.
And I got hooked. It's become a sort of electronic prayer journal, diary...an outlet for thoughts.
A place to make observations and solicite opinions from people who I would have never known otherwise. I like blogging. I reconnected with some friends from Grace church via a very unlikely source, and I also reconnected with my baby sister. But I got into a real mess with that friend of mine. Even at times, on cites (or is it sites) where I try to make vague allusions to situations that happend at that church, not to condemn, but rather to illustrate a point - he shows up and makes it personal. Even though I have never named him or the Church, he accuses me of giving the church a bad rap (?). So now, once and for all I will make it personal.
I am sorry that my emotional ramblings here have offended or angered him. I am sorry that our differences in doctrine have become an embarassing public verbal brawl. I'm sorry that my big, loud, outspoken husband offended or confused some people in the Church. I'm sorry that I joined in some discussions and activities that added to that offense and confusion. I am sorry that, in our wounded emotional state, we acted immaturely. We know better. We were taught better. We are embassadors for Christ, and we should behave as such. I had a sheltered life when I was a baby Christian. I had a good upbringing. I should have known better. I should have behaved better. But I still believe what I believe, especially after pouring through the Word for wisdom. The main thing is Jesus. The deciding factor is the Cross, which is what I've been trying to write about for the past couple of weeks. I am not a Christian because of my experiences at any Church. I am a Christian because of Jesus. He is my true shelter, my fortress, and my strength. Amen and Amen!