One Hundred and One

According to my dashboard, this is my 101st posting. I’ve been thinking that perhaps it should be somehow more significant. Maybe a summary of all that I have learned in the 9 months that I’ve been blogging. It would be nice if I could say - I finally Get It! And then, with wisdom and confidence, declare the final answer to the big question - let there be LIGHT!
Blogging…it’s been fun. I’ve made new friends. Started a few wars. I’ve been read. Over 6000 hits. That amazes me. No, I don’t think I’ll quit. In fact, when I’m done with this post I’ll go visiting some of those friends. See what’s been happening. It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Work has been busy. There have been some family obligations that have required time. I was helping a friend with her midterm. And I’ve been sleeping. A lot! A sure sign of depression. My doctor actually put me on an anti-depressant. I don’t cry as much these days. But I still sleep.
When I started blogging I was in the midst of a faith crisis. I was at a cross roads of sorts.
The world was shaking, the darkness around me seemed very deep. And personally, my life was definitely not what I had expected to it to be when I surrendered it to the LORD over 25 years ago. I responded to a comment about open theism. I questioned the whole anti-emergent church rhetoric, especially after finding out that our denomination considered itself emergent. I defended Catholicism, only to be shot down by some prevatican II Catholics who consider all the rest of us - Catholics and non-Catholic damned. I found myself at theological odds with a pastor friend of mine over the Sovereignty of God and discovered an unlikely ally in a young pagan from my hometown.
A voice from my past. A wise young man who listened to Darth Vader and turned to the dark side.
Blogging has led me into some pretty serious Bible studies. It has given me a lot to pray about. But I still don’t get it. No, that’s not true. I do get it. I just don’t know exactly what to do with it. The personal stuff is killing me. And the global stuff is overwhelming. I’m feeling pretty small and insignificant. Powerless. I’m still at that crossroads but the light is about to change to green and I’m not sure where the road ahead is leading. I really rather just find a rock to sit on and wait for the whole scenario to play itself out. Storms, earthquakes, terrorism, the bird flu…can’t do anything about that now can I?
And then there was Lars.
When we first came to this part of the world, it was to pastor a tiny little multicultural church on a 50 year old mission complex, right on the boarder of the Navajo Reservation.
The director of the ministry was a Navajo gentlemen and that was good, since most “Indian” ministries are still run by “Whitemen”. But there were some things that were not so good. While “Pastor Art” was pasturing the church and I was heading up Children’s and Youth ministries, the church grew from about 12 to over 30 (in 4 months time). But there were some things that were not so good. There was another “white” couple at the mission. She worked in the office. He worked on the grounds. He also worked with a bunch of young boys. One of them was named Lars. Before long, all the “whites” were gone. Why and How doesn’t matter much. I’ll only say none of them, none of us were overjoyed about leaving. That was 8 years ago. A young man named Lars was murdered last week. I’m not sure it was the same Lars. It doesn’t matter. Violence at the gates. Darkness in the streets. I pray harder for my students. I pray harder as I drive the highway through the reservation. I pray harder when I worship on Sunday mornings with my Navajo brothers and sisters. I cry out “Thy will be done!” and I still wonder what that really means. Let there be Light dear Lord. Let Your Light shine through Me.