everyone counts

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Signs in the Heavens?

Art and I were sitting on the front porch, discussing our past failures and future possibilities, and we noticed this "Jesus fish" in the sky.  Dear LORD, I do believe, please help my unbelief.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Monday Morning but who cares?

By some standards, it is still "the middle of the night." I woke up at 3:30 and finished a play I've been working on. A Navajo version of "The Christmas Carol" for our drama club to put on. I'm gonna give it to our school counselor to read to see if it would be appropriate for the kids to do for the school.

I deleted our ministry blogs. Both the Free Methodist one and the Kirtland Hope one. For the past few weeks I have been fighting anger, disappointment, hard feelings. We've been trying this ministry thing for years, my hubby and I. Every time it seemed like we were getting somewhere, things got plowed under.

This was not our idea. We shared our concerns. We shared our vision with the powers that were. Lack of communication, a conflict of interest, clashing personalities???? All of a sudden, another ministry that was just beginning to grow was "shut down". At least where we were concerned. Thanks, but your service is no longer required. Take your toys and go home. Good Luck! God Bless! We're sure God has something for you somewhere.

Only we're not so sure.

We have a new grandson. Ethan Paul. That makes 4. I revised my poem "Greet the Dawn" to include him. I posted it on Art's blog.

There is some comfort there. In my precious grandchildren. But heartache too. Family just hasn't turned out to be all I hoped it would be.


I love my job. Even though many of the students have an "I don't care" attitude. AYP and SBA add stress to my job. But I still love what I do, and I'm enjoying leading drama club too.

Finances suck.  Not that Art was getting paid for pastoring Kirland Hope. But now he feels useless, and is looking for some sort of "paying job".  But there isn't much this oversized, over-the-hill  mountain man can do.

I hate driving through Kirtland every morning, past the "church". It's been one year since we were informed they sold the Free Methodist Mission, and the property sits there abandoned, over grown with weeds, the roofs ripped off two of the buildings, so very sad. I hate to drive past there as well. At least I can avoid that.

I'm rambling. I've been up an hour and a half and the alarm just rang. Haven't even had my first cup of coffee yet.

I'm tired, and I'm feeling like a failure, who is married to a failure. At least where ministry is concerned.  Don't give me platitudes. I find words of encouragement very discouraging.

Let me look at the picture of my grandchildren. Let me sigh and say, Life goes one. Let me sit on my front porch with a cup of coffee. Thank God for caffeine. It's Monday - again - Life goes on.